Part One
- Go to garage
- Search for large wheeled bag that you had left conveniently by the door last fall.
- Find large wheeled bag on shelf in back.
- Remember that the Helpful Relatives who put it there did so during a Very Necessary reorganization of Heavy Things that you weren't ever going to do.
- Try to ignore that most of those heavy things belong to said Helpful Relatives.
- Drag large wheeled bag out to the yard.
- Marvel at how the conveniently wheeled bag insists on twisting over to its non-wheeled side.
- Open bag.
- Dump everything on your feet.
- Rest for an hour.
- Go back to the yard.
- Stand metal framework up on its legs.
- Try to remember how to expand it. Oh, yeah. Pull on the sides that say "open."
- Remember that this part takes two people.
- Go inside until you can recruit a helper.
- Contact Friendly Neighbor who owes you several favors.
- Meet Friendly Neighbor in yard.
- Pull from different directions.
- Watch Friendly Neighbor casually slip locking devices into place without any struggle at all.
- Control envy.
- Say thanks.
- Go inside to get ready for bed.
Part Two
- Go to garage.
- Search for huge blue canopy that you weren't able to stuff into the wheeled bag last fall.
- Find it on top shelf.
- Remember to think nice thoughts about Helpful Relatives.
- Bring large blue canopy to yard.
- Unfold the canopy.
- Drag the canopy over the framework.
- Align velcro strips.
- Feel satisfied that this part is going well.
- Close velcro anchors.
- Curse as one velcro anchor rips out of the fabric.
- Fetch Spray Adhesive Guaranteed to Bond Anything Permanently.
- Spray the Adhesive.
- Hold for a few moments as you feel your fingers bonding together.
- Watch the velcro anchor fall off immediately.
- Rush into the house as you realize that what is being bonded together permanently are your plastic finger splints.
- Grab the Acrylic Nails Remover that you mistakenly bought a few years back.
- Liberally douse hand with Acrylic Nails Remover.
- Take a moment to feel gratitude toward people with acrylic nails as your fingers now separate from each other.
- Grab the duck tape.
- Return outdoors.
- Apply duck tape liberally mostly so you won't lose the velcro anchor.
- Promise yourself that you will think of a permanent solution later.
- Realize you need Friendly Neighbor again to extend the legs of the gazebo.
- Return indoors to recover.
- Catch frightful sight of yourself in mirror. Note to self: Remove mirrors.
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