I feel miserable. I have cried from the pain.
And now I learn that my niece has overdosed. This has just happened. My heart breaks. I don't know how she is yet.
Update: It looks like they got to my niece in time. She has a hospital stay in front of her, and we all have some drama to come, but I am grateful that she is still with us. She is a beautiful, sweet girl. I hope she can learn to be a strong woman.
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Sometimes I have something to say, and here is where I say it. Lots of talk about disability, Ehlers Danlos syndrome, general geekiness, family and friends, and whatever shiny captures my attention at the moment.
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6 comments:
Yanub,
I am so sorry for the day you have had the the night you will probably endure. I wish I could send more than well-wishes and (that bitch) Hope, but that's all I have right now.
OSM
Thanks, OSM. I'll get to see the niece tomorrow, and only have to drive part of the way so I can meet up with family and pool the rest of the way. I don't think I could drive the whole distance the way I am feeling.
I tell you, though, I'd rather have the pain in my body than the psychiatric pain my niece has been going through. I've had both, so I think I can speak with some authority on this. I hope I can be a better aunt to her. That is my intent, and all I can offer.
I'm very sorry you had such a painful day in so many ways. It is a terrible thing to have someone you love try to take her life. Here's hoping this is the last time, and that this is the point from which her life changes for the better.
The only advice I would give - if indeed, you even need any - is to make sure that your niece knows that you've been there, that you have been in some dark places yourself. As a suicidal teenager, it was a great revelation that anyone else could even conceive of what I was going through.
Thanks, Goldie. She has a long road in front of her. It is so hard to see options when in that dark place, and harder still when only a teenager and having so little knowledge of the world.
As a loving aunt, I am sure you will give her a lot of comfort in the days ahead--some people may give her guilt. While people think it's obvious to me that they think well of me or care about me, it's really not to people who are that upset or down. I did not know some people thought positively of me at all, even my twin sister, until told otherwise. I've been suicidal from emotional pain before too (scapegoated for so much that's beyond my control or is normal and kind human behavior).
You're right--emotional pain can be as bad or worse as the worst physical pain--I'd rather have physical pain too and be in a state of calm and acceptance otherwise.
I am really sorry for the sorrow you feel, and the sorry your niece feels that she is alone when she has so many who care as deeply as you do. I wish I could do something to make this easier. Or less painful. I hope you are able to get through to your niece that the now, now, now make suck big time, but one day after one day after one day, it may not suck that bad anymore.
I guess I wanted to say that to you too, and that I think of you every day. I am sorry I haven't been here for you.
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